( Steve's first inclination is to act like a brat. He's feeling irritated by the whole situation, mostly the impossible feat of saving an entire planet -- or at least those inhabiting it - from absolute destruction once the asteroid hits. And now on top of it, he has to deal with Felix's antics.
He does keep walking though, and it isn't until they're far away from the settlements that Felix admits that, and Steve feels himself deflate immediately. He never in a million years would have seen himself growing so close so quickly to someone, but that's just on surviving trauma together, apparently. He's gone through it with Robin and Eddie back home, and now with the missions while aboard the Ximilia.
With Felix's helmet off, he can actually see his face, which makes this feel more significant. It's so easy to hide behind a mask; Steve knows this all too well in a metaphorical sense rather than a more literal sense. Still, it immediately catches Steve's interest, and he finds a comfortable position so he can listen to whatever it is Felix is about to say. )
It's a lot. We never got any time to prepare, physically or mentally. And it doesn't even feel like we have time to take a break, either. So. Yeah, I get it. Why me, though?
( Especially after how they've been butting heads, mostly because of Steve trying desperately to fulfil his own goal. He thought for sure Felix wouldn't want anything to do with him until they made it back to the station. )
[Felix froze at the question, his expression fixing into place as well with a steady neutral, the only giveaway the quick dilation of his pupils before they leveled out again. He should have been more prepared for that obvious a question to come up. Why did he chose Steve of all the Orbers? Well...]
...because you were the first person that I saw that didn't immediately make me hate the idea of sharing something important.
Never mind the fact that you've been a brat lately. [He said with a tiny glare at Steve for the annoyance of yesterday.
He sighed and leaned back into the root behind him. As he slumped backwards and thought of his next words to say to Steve, he avoided the younger man's gaze.]
Look, I... need your help with something. It won't do anything to you except waste your time and all you have to do is listen. All right?
( That comes as a surprise to Steve, and he shows as much with the look he gives Felix. A softened expression, his mouth slightly open as if to say, when did this happen? But he keeps it to himself, nodding at Felix and letting him speak. He looks a little sheepish, is about to open his mouth to defend himself, but it's Felix asking him for help that has him sitting back, keeping his mouth firmly closed instead.
He nods, left eyebrow raised in curiosity. What could Steve possibly help with by just sitting here and listening --
unless...Steve has had personal goals like this, where he's had to divulge his worst nightmare. Maybe that's what this is? Felix being vulnerable...what a concept. )
Okay. ( Keep it simple, lest he scare Felix off. In his own experience with vulnerable moments like this, Steve knows he felt most comfortable when the other person just listened, offering succinct responses, but mostly just listened. )
[Felix let out a mildly explosive breath as Steve simply gave him the okay. The mercenary was caught between feeling relieved that Steve had complied so easily and left with the foreboding that comes with realizing this is it, this is the point in which he has to move forward with his commitment. Finding that opening step was the hardest, he knew, so it took him a moment to find the words to start.
After that, it was like a floodgate opened. Felix was loquacious on any given day. This was no exception once he finally got started.]
So when I was younger, maybe six or so... god, this is so stupid- [he let out a huff of annoyed air] -I lived with my mom. It was just me and her back then. It had only ever been me and her. We lived moderately, you know, middle class bordering on lower end of the spectrum, always one step behind and just making it work. At least, I think that's how it was. Looking back, realizing what she went through to keep us there. But anyway, that's not the point.
[He took another breath and this time let it out more slowly.] The point is there were some really good days, too. You know, the kind that when you're a kid you take them for granted and ask to do again any day of the week even though it's not feasible. You think it's the coolest shit or whatever and don't want it to ever end. And sometimes... it's really something simple.
Like- like, there was this one day and it wasn't anything spectacular but it was a pretty good day all things considered. When I think back on it I think it began kinda shitty because Mom was going through some shit and I remember being bummed out about, I dunno, some stupid kid stuff being canceled that I had wanted and she couldn't get me there that morning because something else got in the way. She spent the whole morning running around trying to get something important done with me bummed out in the back of the car.
But you know I really barely remember that because the last half of the day she did her best to make it up to me. And I think I did that thing were I wasn't into it at first because I was pouting but Mom, well, she'd always been a trooper and she wasn't going to give up and let the day be a disaster. We didn't really do anything special. There was this little park in the city that had a few street vendors around the outskirts and some walkways through a bit of shrubbery. Nothing fancy, there was like one little swing set and slide for the kids, and some space for picnics. We went out there and started goofing off. Mom had a way of lightening the mood with just a few words. She got me on the swing set and suddenly I was flying through the clouds...
[He paused, wistful and full of memories. His throat worked and then he finished off the story as quickly as possible.]
We played tag for a little while, got some street food for dinner, and hung out on a park bench for a while. And I remember this ice cream cart strolling by and I was so excited when Mom said I could go get one. For some reason it was always that last little part that stuck with me so much. Sitting on the bench eating ice cream with Mom smiling at the sunset. For a city view, it was kinda nice that day. It's...it's my favorite memory. We were happy.
[He finally fell silent, not looking at anything in particular and not waiting for any rejoinder, almost as if he had forgotten he'd recalled all of that for an audience.]
( Say what you want about Steve, but the one thing he has always excelled at was listening to people. Even if he had been misguided in his past when it came to helping people, he strove to do right by them. It took a little bit of work, and the sacrifice of what had been a very promising relationship with one Nancy Wheeler, but eventually he hit his stride.
With Robin Buckley and Dustin Henderson, he found that what he really wanted out of life was to be a caretaker. All his life he had been fawned over for his money but ignored by his own parents, when all he wanted was to feel a genuine kind of love and affection. And while it might have led to Steve feeling like he's lacking, he does feel confident while listening to Felix, that this is exactly where he's supposed to be on this mission. Sure, it might not be glamorous or heroic on a larger scale, but he's seen everyone else they've been traveling with. He knows he'll never compare to the Dantes and the Doctor Stranges, the people with immense powers and abilities and strength.
But that doesn't mean he can't help in other ways, by connecting with people. Sure, Felix is just a teammate, but the crew is only as strong while everyone works together and trusts each other.
So, he listens. He keeps steady eye contact, hums at appropriate points to show that he's paying attention, and smiles. He can tell that Felix's relationship with his mother was special, just by the way he talks about her. It simultaneously warms his heart and breaks it, because he knows how that is, longing for the way things are.
Hell, Steve still has his mother back home, but it hardly feels like he does, even when his parents come back to town to visit. He feels a longing pang in his chest as he sighs, reminiscing. )
Thank you for sharing that with me, Felix.
( He takes a moment to think to himself, wondering if he should leave it at that. Yet, there's a chance for connection here, he can practically taste it. )
I don't think it's stupid. One of my favorite memories is of my mom. My dad was away on a business trip, and back then she didn't chase after him so it was just the two of us. She loved to play records and dance, and she'd try to teach me.
Well, back then I wasn't very good at it, pretty much had two left feet. But she didn't care, she just laughed, and --
( He pauses as he looks up at the sky, his eyes stinging with tears. He hadn't realized how much he missed her. The memory of her, at least, instead of the shell of herself that she's become. )
She was so beautiful like that, just smiling without a care in the world. I miss that, when she could just be herself around me, when she could be happy just by dancing to a stupid song.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
( Steve's first inclination is to act like a brat. He's feeling irritated by the whole situation, mostly the impossible feat of saving an entire planet -- or at least those inhabiting it - from absolute destruction once the asteroid hits. And now on top of it, he has to deal with Felix's antics.
He does keep walking though, and it isn't until they're far away from the settlements that Felix admits that, and Steve feels himself deflate immediately. He never in a million years would have seen himself growing so close so quickly to someone, but that's just on surviving trauma together, apparently. He's gone through it with Robin and Eddie back home, and now with the missions while aboard the Ximilia.
With Felix's helmet off, he can actually see his face, which makes this feel more significant. It's so easy to hide behind a mask; Steve knows this all too well in a metaphorical sense rather than a more literal sense. Still, it immediately catches Steve's interest, and he finds a comfortable position so he can listen to whatever it is Felix is about to say. )
It's a lot. We never got any time to prepare, physically or mentally. And it doesn't even feel like we have time to take a break, either. So. Yeah, I get it. Why me, though?
( Especially after how they've been butting heads, mostly because of Steve trying desperately to fulfil his own goal. He thought for sure Felix wouldn't want anything to do with him until they made it back to the station. )
no subject
...because you were the first person that I saw that didn't immediately make me hate the idea of sharing something important.
Never mind the fact that you've been a brat lately. [He said with a tiny glare at Steve for the annoyance of yesterday.
He sighed and leaned back into the root behind him. As he slumped backwards and thought of his next words to say to Steve, he avoided the younger man's gaze.]
Look, I... need your help with something. It won't do anything to you except waste your time and all you have to do is listen. All right?
no subject
He nods, left eyebrow raised in curiosity. What could Steve possibly help with by just sitting here and listening --
unless...Steve has had personal goals like this, where he's had to divulge his worst nightmare. Maybe that's what this is? Felix being vulnerable...what a concept. )
Okay. ( Keep it simple, lest he scare Felix off. In his own experience with vulnerable moments like this, Steve knows he felt most comfortable when the other person just listened, offering succinct responses, but mostly just listened. )
no subject
After that, it was like a floodgate opened. Felix was loquacious on any given day. This was no exception once he finally got started.]
So when I was younger, maybe six or so... god, this is so stupid- [he let out a huff of annoyed air] -I lived with my mom. It was just me and her back then. It had only ever been me and her. We lived moderately, you know, middle class bordering on lower end of the spectrum, always one step behind and just making it work. At least, I think that's how it was. Looking back, realizing what she went through to keep us there. But anyway, that's not the point.
[He took another breath and this time let it out more slowly.] The point is there were some really good days, too. You know, the kind that when you're a kid you take them for granted and ask to do again any day of the week even though it's not feasible. You think it's the coolest shit or whatever and don't want it to ever end. And sometimes... it's really something simple.
Like- like, there was this one day and it wasn't anything spectacular but it was a pretty good day all things considered. When I think back on it I think it began kinda shitty because Mom was going through some shit and I remember being bummed out about, I dunno, some stupid kid stuff being canceled that I had wanted and she couldn't get me there that morning because something else got in the way. She spent the whole morning running around trying to get something important done with me bummed out in the back of the car.
But you know I really barely remember that because the last half of the day she did her best to make it up to me. And I think I did that thing were I wasn't into it at first because I was pouting but Mom, well, she'd always been a trooper and she wasn't going to give up and let the day be a disaster. We didn't really do anything special. There was this little park in the city that had a few street vendors around the outskirts and some walkways through a bit of shrubbery. Nothing fancy, there was like one little swing set and slide for the kids, and some space for picnics. We went out there and started goofing off. Mom had a way of lightening the mood with just a few words. She got me on the swing set and suddenly I was flying through the clouds...
[He paused, wistful and full of memories. His throat worked and then he finished off the story as quickly as possible.]
We played tag for a little while, got some street food for dinner, and hung out on a park bench for a while. And I remember this ice cream cart strolling by and I was so excited when Mom said I could go get one. For some reason it was always that last little part that stuck with me so much. Sitting on the bench eating ice cream with Mom smiling at the sunset. For a city view, it was kinda nice that day. It's...it's my favorite memory. We were happy.
[He finally fell silent, not looking at anything in particular and not waiting for any rejoinder, almost as if he had forgotten he'd recalled all of that for an audience.]
no subject
With Robin Buckley and Dustin Henderson, he found that what he really wanted out of life was to be a caretaker. All his life he had been fawned over for his money but ignored by his own parents, when all he wanted was to feel a genuine kind of love and affection. And while it might have led to Steve feeling like he's lacking, he does feel confident while listening to Felix, that this is exactly where he's supposed to be on this mission. Sure, it might not be glamorous or heroic on a larger scale, but he's seen everyone else they've been traveling with. He knows he'll never compare to the Dantes and the Doctor Stranges, the people with immense powers and abilities and strength.
But that doesn't mean he can't help in other ways, by connecting with people. Sure, Felix is just a teammate, but the crew is only as strong while everyone works together and trusts each other.
So, he listens. He keeps steady eye contact, hums at appropriate points to show that he's paying attention, and smiles. He can tell that Felix's relationship with his mother was special, just by the way he talks about her. It simultaneously warms his heart and breaks it, because he knows how that is, longing for the way things are.
Hell, Steve still has his mother back home, but it hardly feels like he does, even when his parents come back to town to visit. He feels a longing pang in his chest as he sighs, reminiscing. )
Thank you for sharing that with me, Felix.
( He takes a moment to think to himself, wondering if he should leave it at that. Yet, there's a chance for connection here, he can practically taste it. )
I don't think it's stupid. One of my favorite memories is of my mom. My dad was away on a business trip, and back then she didn't chase after him so it was just the two of us. She loved to play records and dance, and she'd try to teach me.
Well, back then I wasn't very good at it, pretty much had two left feet. But she didn't care, she just laughed, and --
( He pauses as he looks up at the sky, his eyes stinging with tears. He hadn't realized how much he missed her. The memory of her, at least, instead of the shell of herself that she's become. )
She was so beautiful like that, just smiling without a care in the world. I miss that, when she could just be herself around me, when she could be happy just by dancing to a stupid song.